Have you read today's newsletter article Bedtime Strategies the Work? 

What are your favorite bedtime strategies?  Share them here by posting a comment - we all would love to hear what keeps your child happy and cooperative at bedtime!

If you missed the article, read it here and get Behaviorist Donna Shea's advice and strategies for making betime a happier, more peaceful time of day! 

If you'd like to receive future issues of the Overwhelmed No More! Newsletter, enter your name and email address in the space provided (scroll down and you'll see it on the lower left of your screen).  It's a free, once-a-month newsletter filled with strategies for balanced living for parents of children with special needs.  (I never share your name or email address.) 

One summer several years ago, our toaster traveled with us wherever we went, whether it was an overnight or a week's vacation. 

Luckily, everywhere we went that summer, we drove.  (Imagine explaining THAT one to the airport security agents!)

Funny?  Yes!  Weird?  Definitely!  But we did it anyway, for my son, for my sanity, and for the sake of our fellow hotel guests.

When he was younger, my son used to wake up absolutely ravenous.  He had to eat first thing, before doing anything else.  To complicate matters, my son is completely deaf first thing in the morning, before he gets his cochlear implant processors on -- so back then, when his hearing was off,  he didn't care how loud he yelled, it didn't bother him!  On top of that, the only thing he would eat for breakfast was toast and fruit.  And waiting for anything - especially to get breakfast -- was NOT his strong suit.  All of this was a perfect set-up for some very difficult mornings while staying in a hotel, where people might actually want to sleep a bit later than 6:00 am!

Bringing the toaster along with us turned out to be one of the best parenting strategies I ever used.  Those vacation mornings, my son and I would wake up early, make some toast, spread the jelly, and munch happily, hardly making a peep.  Potential tantrums averted!  It was a great way to start the day.  Our faithful toaster came with us to Sturbridge, MA, the Shenandoahs in VA, and Cape Cod, MA, as well as to the homes of friends and family with whom we stayed that summer. 

Since then, now that my son is 8, mornings have gotten easier.  He often sleeps a little later than 6:00 am, and he's learned to use a softer voice when he doesn't have his sound on.  He's made some progress in the art of waiting patiently.  He likes a lot more kinds of breakfast foods, some of which he can even serve himself.   

Since that summer, we've been able to leave the toaster at home when we go away.  It still sits on our counter, and still gets plenty of use.  It's probably one of the few small appliances in existence that's so well-traveled and has so many fond memories attached to it!   Now, as my son makes toast some mornings for both himself and the family, he barely remembers our early morning vacation toast fests, but I will never forget them.

What strategies have you used for great vacations with your child with special needs?  Let us know - post a comment! 

This article came in the most recent issue of Precision Education's e-newsletter. I cringed as I read it: the Parent Vision Statement I'd written for my son's IEP was remarkably like the one author Catherine Whitcher quotes as a big no-no. I flunked the Parent Statement test! I immediately submitted a more detailed version to my son's service coordinator, and she included it in a revised version of his IEP. I was so glad to have read this article, and I wanted to pass it along to everyone in our blog community!

Parent Input Statements Fail
by Catherine Whitcher, Ph.D.
You know the drill at the IEP meeting. Everybody goes around the table and tells you how cute your child is and it drives you crazy. Well, you might just be joining in the game of useless information during this critical time if you gave an ineffective parent input statement.

If you made any type of statement that is similar to:

"I want my child to be happy and healthy and am concerned about how this is going to happen."

You are in trouble!

In fact, do you even know what the parent input section on your IEP states about your comments made at the meeting? I highly suggest you read this section of your child's IEP. It may be entertaining.

So, how do you make an effective parent input statement?

• Consider preparing your statement before the meeting.
  
• Include areas you are pleased or concerned with in regards to further education, employment and independent living.
  
• If you don't prepare a statement before the meeting, you must prepare a parental concern letter following the meeting.
  
• Use facts, not emotions in your writing.
  
• Prioritize your child's education.
  
• Get help if you need it. This is the simplest way to create a trail of concerns since the school is required to ask you!

For teachers and administrators reading this...I know the weakness of these statements are not your fault. In fact, I don't ever suggest a parent use this area in an adversarial way. As staff you prepare your reports and parents should do the same. A strong team will lead a child to a bright future.

Looking forward to seeing stronger input statements in the future, remember you are your child's champion.

Effective Parent Input Statement Example:

Dear Staff,

Thank you for all of your hard work during the 2007/2008 school year. I am happy about the following successes for my child:
Give Examples

I remain concerned about:
Give Examples

Next fall I would really like to address the following issues:
Give Examples

Have a great summer!

NAME HERE

CC: FILE

Catherine Whitcher, M.Ed has been providing special education consulting support for parents and schools nationwide for over 12 years. You can reach her through Precision Education, Inc at 800.432.0170 or visit www.PrecisionEducation.com

Recently I met with my son's teachers about his continuing challenges with social interaction among peers. We all agreed it was time for him to get some outside help with social skills. Over the course of the following week, there were many emails and phone calls as I did some research and enrolled my son in a local a social skills program for kids.

In one of these emails, my son's school counselor said, "you're such a good mom!" I teared up. "If I'm such a good mom," I thought, "then why can't my kid behave himself?!?!?!?"

Well that was an unexpected thought/feeling. It just popped up out of nowhere. I hadn't really realized that I was feeling responsible for my son's social problems. But there it was. I'm usually so adept at handling situations like this. I go into my "stay positive and take action" mode. But now it dawned on me I'd been feeling like a "bad mom" since that meeting, even though the meeting itself had gone extremely well.

After a while, I reminded myself of what I tell my clients. And today I want to remind you too: even when you are doing your best as a parent, you can't place blame on yourself when things go wrong. You face enough pressures in your life as it is, and you don't need to pile on even more by being hard on yourself about your child's challenges.

When you allow yourself to think you're a "bad parent," there are all sorts of awful feelings that go along with that. Guilt: "I should be doing better." Shame: "People must think I'm awful." Inadequacy: "What's wrong with me that I can't be a better parent?" Frustration: "There has got to be a solution here, why does this have to be so hard?" Resentment: "I wish I just didn't have to deal with this!" Worry: "What if I never find a way to help my child with this? The list goes on. None of this is healthy. And it can take a real toll on your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Next time you find yourself feeling like you're a "bad parent," first of all, realize you are not alone. Many, if not most, moms and dads of children with special needs feel this way at one time or another. Secondly, talk to yourself positively. (Yes, I mean out loud!) Be your own cheerleader. Say things like "I AM a good parent." "I constantly and consistently do my best." Give yourself credit for all that you HAVE done over the past days, weeks, months, and years to help your child grow and thrive in so many ways.

Here is one of my favorite affirmations (from the book The Secret): "I am strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and happy." Even if you don't feel this way, say it! Repeat it. Your brain hears your words and translates them into feelings of greater well-being. Even if you think this sounds ridiculous, try it anyway. It works.

Another favorite affirmation (mine): "I am not perfect, nor should I expect myself to be, nor would I want to be." And by the way, even if there were such a thing as a perfect parent, there is still no guarantee that perfect parenting would produce well-behaved, model children. Kids are who they are, and while we do our very best to teach them and guide them, they have their own personalities, their own temperaments, and their own ways of interacting with the world around them.

So what's the answer then, when you can't get your kids to behave, no matter what you do? Get help. It can come in many forms. A book on parenting that's just what you'd been looking for. A parenting workshop or support group where you get some new ideas and connect with other moms and dads who are going through similar challenges. A group your child can join, or a professional they can work with to help them learn new skills. Or perhaps you're heading more in the direction of seeking a doctor's advice, or an educational evaluation. Much of what we do as parents of children with special needs is trial and error -- keep trying things until you find what works. You ARE a good parent. Keep up the good work!

From time to time I get ambitious and try to keep up with Oprah's Book Club. As you may know, Oprah's current pick is Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. I picked up a copy and I've been reading little passages here and there. When I came across two sections on parenting, I just had to share them with my blog community!

The first one is called Conscious Parenting, on page 103. The second one is called Recognizing Your Child, and it's on page 104. Both are written about parenting in general, but I think these two passages hit the nail on the head for parents of children with special needs. Moms and dads, if you read nothing else in this book, read these two pages!

I find Tolle's writing fascinating, not only for what he says, but also how he's able to communicate such deep, meaningful thoughts in language that's simple and easy for the average reader to understand. When I'm reading this book, I feel challenged by the philosophical level, yet tickled pink that I actually get (most of) what he's saying.
I also love the fact that you can read a couple of pages in a small moment of free time and cover an entire little concept. I've been keeping my copy in the car so I can read a passage or two while waiting to pick up the kids from school. If you haven't picked up this book yet, I highly recommend it!